Sabbatical

As many of you may have noticed, I have not been spending a lot of time in resolved pixel form in world of late. My soul, or I should say the soul I share with my meat-world animator Steve, has been engaged in other adventures of life in toto. Stress, introspection, crisis, and learning have been, as always, having their way with me, and like any mistress of such masters, the time comes when I come must evaluate my own place in life, and see for myself where I really want to be.

I have been spending a great deal of my time in an online emotional support forum. Where Second Life gives me the opportunity to seek support and to give support on a semi regular basis, this forum gives me constant, unrelenting opportunities to attain these desiderata on a constant and as needed basis.

The result of this has been, quite naturally and expectedly, a total and unreasonable obsession with the place. This seems to be my nature, and as is also the nature of such places, they seem to attract people with similar predispositions to addiction. Thus, trying to get advice on breaking the addiction from such a place is like asking an alcoholic if your one glass of wine is too much. You might get good advice, but the odds are way against it.

The result of this shift in my interests has resulted in, as is also my nature, soul crushing guilt and a sense of failure. I have not, nor am I ready to abandon Second Life altogether. I’m not one to believe in absolutes. But as I am clearly not meeting my responsibilities in this world, it behooves me to bequest these responsibilities on to one more willing and able to carry them.

My mood has varied from wonderful to wanting to slam my head against walls, also nothing remarkable. My sleep has not been as I wish it to be, and I find myself unable to awaken in the morning. I’m not sure as to the reason for this, but my only solution seems to be sleeping earlier, which my body will not find difficult in the least, but my spirit rebels against. It seems like so little of my life is under my control, my evenings, where I am free to do as I please, are precious. I hate to sacrifice this time. But sacrifice I must…my work is our life blood. As much as I’d like to walk away from it, it is simply not a realistic plan for now or for the foreseeable future.

I am thinking of leading a local depression support group in RL, and I am thinking of taking singing lessons in Summer, and I am also thinking about starting on work to get my MSW (masters of social work), so that I can retire from the library at 55 and go on to a job that I would love.

A long enough ramble for tonight. There is much else to say (as is always the case), but I’m getting tired and I did want to put in at least a little bit of book time. Love and hugs to all my friends. We shall still be spending time together, it’s just that our meetings will be all the sweeter because of my absence.

Alphonsus

Head spinning in the right direction

It has been a busy and tiring day. My head is spinning but overall I feel good. I was able to sleep in this morning, and that felt SOOOO good. When I woke up I immediately came in-world and I started out helping out with the grand opening of the Galeries of Faeria. Malakyte has her wonderful art displayed, and Mykyl and Wildstar and FD and Princess and many others have their art on display. It felt good. A lot of people showed up. I don’t think a lot was sold, but I think everyone had a good time.

The evening turned into all Triskele cleric stuff. I met with Wren and Malakyte and Stormy and Winkie and SnowBlind and Sierra. It was supposed to be a simple meeting about spells with Wren and Mala and I. Turned into a menagerie of people and various discussions. I’m ready to put out version 1.0 of the Pantheon. We added one more dark god, and made it so that the Great Spirit can have worshipers. This means I will likely change my alliance over from Odin to the Great Spirit. Not only do I like her/it, but as the Divine Emissary it makes sense that I should worship the creator god. So Odin will be left in someone else’s hands, once we get everything up and running.

The first Cleric Festival is set for next week Saturday and 4pm SLT, which means I’ll have to miss next week’s PHC. I need to remember to suggest Atheeena to Persephone, as well as Thom Dowd. Should be great for period music, and I’m hoping Petunia can come up with some more modern jams.

I still have a cauldron to finish for the “system”. I hope to finish up a working version of that by tomorrow. I’ve been asked to participate in two writing contests. Shaw Eames, one of the runners of one of the contests, kept insisting on calling me “THE” Alphonsus Peck. Sigh. Good for the ego, but, still, sigh.

Council meeting tomorrow at 6pm sl. My brain is a bit fried at the moment. Just trying to keep all the words sorted out.

Veil

After dealing with JewelFire’s death all day, it just feels WRONG to even suggest that they might not be what she said was beyond the veil of death. Every ounce of my being wants her to be there, and to be at peace and to be happy.

If I knew that death were like what she said it was, I would not fear it so much. But I don’t know. It is what she said it is…a veil…the mystery beyond. I don’t know if there is a paradise or darkness beyond that veil. I want to know very badly, but only if it turns out to be be a good place.

Militant agnosticism. Easy words to say. But so hard to believe when the brutally unfair happens. Never is the desire for eternal bliss stronger than after to the dearth of someone who should not have died.

Cancer. The life take. The love taker. I fear your touch above all others. You took my father, my uncle, my best friend, and little Jewel.

Sigh… Sorry if this is a whining post. I’m just too tired right now to care.

Fear of SL-ying

Ok. I admit it. I’ve been afraid to come back in world today. I’ve been out almost a week now and the amount of tasks that await me when I return are more than a little overwhelming.

I won’t bore everyone with the details of everything I want to get done because they are boring. I’m just a little intimidated that the robes won’t fit me when I put them on again.

Not to worry. This is just perfectly healthy paranoia. I will be back tomorrow night. Just mildly panicking about it.

I’m still sweating abnormally because of the latent ilness. I did go to work today, but I was largely useless while I was there.

And I’ too sleepy to come up with a happy ending to the post. G’Night

Useless

[RL] A flu bug mugged me, stole all my strength, and left me for dead last night. 101.3 temperature. Blah.

I’m still not exactly up for taking on the world today. In fact, my computer chair with the desktop computer strong enough to run SL seems impossibly difficult right now. As a result, I’m planning to be quite useless today. I’m not sure yet if I will go in-world (I REALLY want to talk to Winkie and get our bonfire event set up.) Cleric heal thyself.

Massive headache right now. I’ve been awake for almost half an hour. Time to take a nap, I think. Toodles.

Random Stuff

Ok, I admit that I haven’t been posting as much lately. My inspiration for my blogs have been uninspiring. Everwind, however, is done. I shan’t bring it up again no matter what happens next.

I feel like I spend the majority of my time talking about Triskele in my posts lately, and I do apologize for this to my non-Triskelian readers. It’s just kinda where my brain is right now. My duties there are already backing up. It’s been a bad week for me for in world activities. I’m hoping this week is better, or at least I’m more motivated.

I once mentioned that I had no dreams anymore. I now realize that this was not true. It’s just that the dreams I had for my life seemed so simple and unspectacular that I didn’t even notice them. Well, I’m now beginning to wonder if even these simple dreams will ever come true.

Oh well. No grousing. I have a cleric’s meeting tomorrow at 5pm SL, and maybe a Council meeting at 6:30. I not a Council meeting, I want to talk cleric spells over with Winkie.

I want to hammer out the rest of our gods, and get them good and solid. We can tweak later if we need to, but lets start building from a solid draft. And I need a building. Even a temporary one would be nice.

Triskele had a pretty decent RP tonight…the first full fledged one that I participated in. The drow queen captured the Queens Council and a dragon. There was a furious battle, but we got them back, and the drow queen was bound and brought into custody. I was the one responsible for healing her wounds and getting her cleaned up. (At least I appointed someone else to do it). Cavity searches also needed to take place. I wasn’t part of those, other than ordering that they happen. The drow queen was pretty cool about the whole thing. I like her.

Overall, she was treated, if not comfortably, then fairly. I treated a number of other minor wounds, including Malakyte who managed to get a number of arrows pumped into her in the last skirmish of the evening.

Hestia kicked me out of Faeria yesterday. She wanted to play, her computer wasn’t working, and she said that I was “boring”. I guess I am compared to her, but then not many people can compare to her when it comes to stirring things up. I still was able to listen to PHC while she played, but I felt dethroned. I’m gonna need to get revenge on that little imp.

Very tired, as usual. Good night, all. Fair thee well, and may all of your dreams come true. Warm hugs.

An Oddly Mixed Day

I spent this day with a relatively good mood. My mind felt sharp, my thoughts were clear. I got plenty of sleep the night before, and I felt rested and at peace with myself.

Yet, as with virtually every day, I found myself being very unproductive.

I did manage to have my cleric’s meeting in Triskele tonight, and that went quite well even though only 3 people were able to attend. The queen finally announced my promotion to the realm, which felt good.

The King and Queen of Everwind banned me from the Everwind forum sometime last night or today. I am truly honored. I’ve never been banned from anything before. I feel so…naughty! /me giggles. I might even be banned from the physical grounds. Despite how exciting this would be, it would be disingenuous for me to find out as I already made it a practice never to step on the land again.

I have a long in-world to do list, but it seems to be getting done in the few moments I am able to spend online. I am quite relaxed now, having found that my little tussle with Grace and Slip actually improved my general disposition. Safe paths, everyone. And, as always, hugs to anyone who wants or needs one.