Why I am an Agnostic

agnostic-cemetaryIt is my experience that most people in the U.S. are born and raised to some degree already walking on some religious path.  My parents raised me completely without religion in my life.  There, therefore, is no path that has been laid down as a suggestion for me to follow.

Instead, when I became curious about religion, I was faced with hundreds of different paths to choose from.  How could I possible choose?  I could only measure the merits of each against the only accurate map that I knew of: science.  Under this criteria, all of them failed.  I’ve been forced to make my own way through the woods ever since.

I call myself a militant agnostic not because I’m willing to go out and kill for my lack of beliefs.  Many people consider agnostics to be kinda wishy-washy about their beliefs.  I am not.  I am a firmly committed agnostic, and I strongly believe that being agnostic is exactly where where I belong on the theistic spectrum.  Science cannot disprove God’s existence.  God Himself could very easily prove His existence beyond virtually all possible doubt.  As He hasn’t done this, I can only assume that it’s either because He doesn’t exist, or that He has good reasons for wanting us to believe He doesn’t exist.

Unlike many agnostics, I am not just uncertain about the God of Abraham, I am also uncertain about just about any other God you could name.  To be quite honest, in fact, I’m quite atheistic as far as the God of Abraham is concerned.  Not only is the bible quite flawed, the God in that Bible does not behave even remotely like how I’d expect a non-insane God to behave.

No, the God I’m uncertain of would be a far more sane and reasonable God.  My God would have control over the entire universe and be far less obsessed with this little rock we live on.  My God could kick the God of Abraham’s ass through several unlikely dimensions.

The God I don’t know if exists is a God of my own deduction and thoughts.  I will talk about Him as a concept, but I will in no way try to push him down anyone else’s throat.

At times, I will talk like an Atheist.  I fully understand and sympathize with the atheist point of view.  I just can’t quite make that final step.

First of all, I spent so much time playing with the concept of God, and running through various plausible Gods that fit in with our current knowledge of the universe that for me to choose atheism would entail my acceptance of a “belief” that there is no god.  Most atheists profess that belief is not necessary from their point of view as they see no evidence for God’s existence.  This is fine, and absolutely true.  There IS absolutely no evidence for God’s existence.  It still would not feel intellectually honest for me to choose this path.

What’s more, I enjoy thinking about God.  He’s fun.  I kinda enjoy imagining the limitations that an omniscient, all powerful MUST have, despite the fundamentalist viewpoint that there are no limitations.  I enjoy putting God through God simulations in my brain and try to guess how He would come out as a result.

I will admit to some predjudices.  I’ve grown up in western culture, and I’ve got a western bent.  I call this being “God” for example, instead of Allah.  I refer to God as He even though God would almost certainly be genderless if God exists at all.  I do this because the original translations of the Bible had God as a male, and English has a profound lack of non-gender specific third person pronouns.  I have more respect for God than to call Him an It.  It just lacks class, you know?  So if there are any women who have a problem with this, then I leave it to you to come up with a proper non-gender specific third person pronoun for me to use.  Otherwise, I’ll stick with tradition, thank you very much.

I also capitalize the word God and the He, His, Him pronouns because it’s in the rules of proper English, and plus again it just feels more respectful when dealing with the possible creator of the entire f’ing universe.  The concept of a God who has managed to create something this big and complex deserves a capital letter, whether He exists or not.

There are times when I will talk as if I don’t believe God exists.  There are times when I will preach quite vehimently as if He DOES exist.  I am not being disingenuous.  It’s just that I am capable of holding both thoughts in my mind.  Call it doublethink.  It’s my brain, and I can maintain two contradictory thoughts in it at the same time if I want to.  😛

Others may ask me, “What if I’m wrong, and God will send me to Hell for doubting?”  Well, my answer to them would be that then either we would ALL be screwed, or we have nothing at all to worry about.  There are, by last count, an infinite number of potential mutually exclusive jealous Gods out there.  Even if I follow just the God of Abraham, then there are at least three major paths (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) that could get me flaming if I choose the wrong one.  Within Christianity, the are literally hundred’s of sub-variations of God that promise damnation unless I follow their particular set of beliefs.  There is certainly no safety in belief.

And, if the unproven God is NOT jealous, then I think He will forgive me for doubting.  I’ve lived a reasonable good life.  I’ve helped a lot of people.  I’ve given to charities and gave large tips to my waitresses.  The degree to which I am mentally unsound is not my fault.  I was born that way, and I am doing my darnedest to get past it all.  I am as I was created.  I am very hopeful that any reasonable God would see that.

So, that’s about it.  The atheist really shouldn’t care what I think so long as I don’t try to force my beliefs onto anyone else…no worries there.  The theist, well, they will think what they will think.  I am automatically condemned to eternal torture according to some of their beliefs.  Well, I really don’t like the sound of that, and I’m fully willing to jump into the arms of Jesus if He is waiting there after the truck squishes me.  I’ll just cross my fingers and hope for the best.


11 thoughts on “Why I am an Agnostic

  1. At times, I will talk like an Atheist.

    Sounds like fun. Is that anything like Talk Like a Pirate Day?

  2. You said “The degree to which I am mentally unsound is not my fault.” …. personally – you sound far more mentally sound than 99.999% of the people I know.

  3. I LOVE this article!!!! I agree with so much of it and it is soooo refreshing to hear that I am not the only one who thinks the God of the Bible seems to be a real dysfunctional jerk (ZAP — Scizzle — I just got struck by lightning)

    I live around SOOO many Christians and I just don’t understand how they can think this God is loving?! But they are all so sure of themselves — especially my brother, who is a very intelligent man. I have TRIED to believe and “love” (as we are supposed to) this God of the Bible, …. but I just find that I can’t and the whole thing upsets me.

    All I can say is that I sure hope that the real God (if He exists) is more like the reasonable, understanding God that you wrote about who would understand those of us that have trouble with the God of Abraham. (I was raised without a religion too, btw. My brother became VERY Christian soon after my Dad died).

    I sure HOPE that the God that threatens eternal HELL is not the one in charge, because I would so much rather disappear into dust/non=existance when I die — rather than spend eternity in “Hell.” (OR spending an eternity in a “Heaven” where all we are doing is “worshipping” God 24/7 FOREVER! (eeek) 😦

  4. no thing can be taken as a way of live without discussion and thinking
    I’m muslim and I can discuss you if u need ,who know? maay you convince me or I convince you
    my e-mail is o_w_m34@hotmail.com

  5. Good post. I disagree with this: “My parents raised me completely without religion in my life. There, therefore, is no path that has been laid down as a suggestion for me to follow.”

    Being raised with ‘no path’ is still a path. It’s not possible to have a completely neutral position on this, therefore you were raised in the path of atheism/agnosticism with its concomitant biases.

    Myself an open agnostic, in that I am seeking g0d but am fairly unsure one exists. See http://spritzophrenia.wordpress.com if you’re interested.

  6. Hey, you have a very well written post, i gotta hand it to you. Seems like you really worked hard. 🙂

    Anyways.. i wanted your view on my thoughts about god and religion

    I tend to reffer to god as the “higher power” because this higher power can be of any state/ form/ sex etc. I don’t implement names like jesus, allah, vishnu etc. i prefer keeping it simple. Although i do think different religions believe that there gods are different from other religions. Hence the constant arguement/battles “My god is better than your’s!”. Thats why i prefer the higher power thing and the higher power being “one”,not various versions of it (allah, jesus, etc)

    Coming on to the reason why i believe in him
    1) science has’nt proven the higher powers existance… there are views and then there are facts. And science so far has’nt stumbled upon “the facts”.
    And until it does i cant say much..

    I guess thats why people prefer to be agnostic that is kinda wishy washy.. we Agnostic’s are waiting for evidence
    2 verify the higher powers existance. If we find it well and good.. if we dont then same. We i think are on the safe side. I mean if there was a god and an afterlife we wouldnt wanna get jacked by being athiest and completely defying and offending him i mean if i was a god and there was a hell, hypothetically speaking affcorse i think i would be offended by athiests mocking me and my ways then i would duh! send them to hell or maby i would look at their list of sins and other formalities. But i sure do hope that higher power which does turn out to be god! dosnt turn out to be like jesus as his 10 commandments wrnt really that impressive.


    2) I cant fathom the beauty of this world being a coincidence.. and i’m not talking about only the planet earth. I’m talking about the huge solar system, the universes, galaxys, planets etc. alligned in beautifull accentricity that it just amazes me how everything jells up and works well for the other. Please correct me if i’m wrong. And wow! i’m just waiting how science is going to pull this off in prooving!
    i want science to show me
    where we go after death?
    why we’re here?
    etc etc. the normal questions are suppose to be answered for me to make my decision.. untill then i’m just sticking to agnostic.
    my faith is very flickery
    at times i feel god exists as when i pray i usually have problems solved
    and i’m refreshed to pray, i feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders
    maby praying is just a talk with your concience… or maby you are speaking with god?!? :S besides my heart wants to believe so i listen to it and choose believing.

    Anyways.. religion i think is trying to make people believe in god but it is being very mellodramatic and fake. Why pray in church when you can just pray wherever you are
    Why give up your life to celibacy when if there is a god he would want you to reproduce and continue living as he must have intended to.
    Religion is trying to keep the peoples faith in god intact but they themselves are doubting his existance at some point, yet they continue to force themselves 2 believe..there mind tells them not to and that they cant understand god and his unusual ways but want to or feel a need to
    there heart tells them to because of the things that happen around them. Little things.. like prayers coming true, person surviveing after an incident.. which i term as coincidence but they believe as miracle’s.
    I think the ultimate miracle is an unknown life form appearing or something BIG

    religion is dumbing people down it is making them fight its true though that it HAD united people in the past but now supersticions are disappeared and facts are necessary.

    when i look at the good side. I see that this beliveing in religion scenario did bring people together and made them more humane but now its just an utter mess people are making up there own religions and stories and god is a blur ! and hence we choose our own ways

  7. Please get back to me with a reply

    And let me know what are your opinios about religion uniteing people in the past?

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