As many of you may have noticed, I have not been spending a lot of time in resolved pixel form in world of late. My soul, or I should say the soul I share with my meat-world animator Steve, has been engaged in other adventures of life in toto. Stress, introspection, crisis, and learning have been, as always, having their way with me, and like any mistress of such masters, the time comes when I come must evaluate my own place in life, and see for myself where I really want to be.
I have been spending a great deal of my time in an online emotional support forum. Where Second Life gives me the opportunity to seek support and to give support on a semi regular basis, this forum gives me constant, unrelenting opportunities to attain these desiderata on a constant and as needed basis.
The result of this has been, quite naturally and expectedly, a total and unreasonable obsession with the place. This seems to be my nature, and as is also the nature of such places, they seem to attract people with similar predispositions to addiction. Thus, trying to get advice on breaking the addiction from such a place is like asking an alcoholic if your one glass of wine is too much. You might get good advice, but the odds are way against it.
The result of this shift in my interests has resulted in, as is also my nature, soul crushing guilt and a sense of failure. I have not, nor am I ready to abandon Second Life altogether. I’m not one to believe in absolutes. But as I am clearly not meeting my responsibilities in this world, it behooves me to bequest these responsibilities on to one more willing and able to carry them.
My mood has varied from wonderful to wanting to slam my head against walls, also nothing remarkable. My sleep has not been as I wish it to be, and I find myself unable to awaken in the morning. I’m not sure as to the reason for this, but my only solution seems to be sleeping earlier, which my body will not find difficult in the least, but my spirit rebels against. It seems like so little of my life is under my control, my evenings, where I am free to do as I please, are precious. I hate to sacrifice this time. But sacrifice I must…my work is our life blood. As much as I’d like to walk away from it, it is simply not a realistic plan for now or for the foreseeable future.
I am thinking of leading a local depression support group in RL, and I am thinking of taking singing lessons in Summer, and I am also thinking about starting on work to get my MSW (masters of social work), so that I can retire from the library at 55 and go on to a job that I would love.
A long enough ramble for tonight. There is much else to say (as is always the case), but I’m getting tired and I did want to put in at least a little bit of book time. Love and hugs to all my friends. We shall still be spending time together, it’s just that our meetings will be all the sweeter because of my absence.