An Exploration of Anxiety

[RL] As I write this, my body has broken out into a cold sweat. My hands are shaking, my teeth are clenching, my eyes are tearing involuntarily, and my thoughts are racing at several dozen miles/kilometers per minute.

It is, I believe, an anxiety attack, brought on for no discernible reason, are at least no reason that I can discern. They happen to me from time to time. The fact that I can write with apparent level-headedness is testament to something. Nevertheless, from the point of view of where my mind is right now, it feels anything but level headed.

I feel an overwhelming temptation to let my writing explode, although what explosive writing actually means I’m not quite sure. I won’t give into the temptation, so we won’t have the opportunity to find out here. I am actually making myself write calmly right now in an effort to get my thoughts and mind and body under control. So far it is not working.

Where does all this energy come from? Where does it go when it dissipates? The law of conservation of energy must apply. A big expenditure of energy here will likely be followed by exhaustion.

Ah, there we go. It’s backing off now. I was also holding my breath. I can tell now because I’ve just started breathing again. My body is still sweaty an cold…I need to cover up. But my teeth have unclenched, my eyes feel normal, and my hands feel calmer and steadier. My thoughts are slowing down to a normal pace. At this time of night I expect exhaustion to follow very quickly.

I don’t recall ever writing a blog entry in mid attack. Thank you all for spending some time with me and listening, and offering comfort where you could. You may not remember being here, but let me assure you that you were. I really do appreciate it.

And now I feel irresistible sleepiness, as well as a slight touch of a headache in my left eye. Oh well…gotta work tomorrow so I need some shuteye. I could explore the experience more, but if I don’t post now I’ll fall asleep mid word.

Peace out. Hugs to any who want or need them.

P.S. The spelling on the first half of this post was noticeably worse than it was on the back half. This is probably important for some reason that might only interest a linguist or a psychologist. Whatever. We everyone tomorrow.


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