Woulda Coulda Shoulda

I started off going to Huin tonight to add a tag to the name of my Cataporter. Then I decided to move it to a better location. Then I deciding to tweak the destinations. Then I ended up deciding to make a minor correction to the way it rotates.

Three hours later, I managed to get my minor correction to work properly. I had disassembled and reassembled the thing a dozen or so time. It now looks exactly the same as it did. The only change is that you can now sit in the seat without being kicked out while changing destinations. Jeez-o-peetz!

And after all this I forgot to add the stupid tag to the name.

Yes, I do want to make changes to the Cataporter, but this change, while kinda important, is not really advertisible as a significant improvement. I’ve been stymied by the significant improvements I want to make (adding two additional firing angels–30 and 60 degrees–to the original 45). Even cooler would be making it possible to have an infinite number of firing angles, and to have a projectile that reports back its location so that the Cataporter can recalibrate until it gets the shot exactly right.

I get too many damned good ideas, but my follow through seems less than desirable. This challenges my math skills to my outward levels. I’ve long ago left behind my calc and mathematical engineering classes. Librarianship rarely requires this degree of mathematical knowledge.

This again begs the question, “Why the hell am I a librarian?” I have the mind of a scientist…the skills of a computer programmer…the desire to be a writer or an artist… I look back and am always wistful and kick myself over the “what could have beens.” Why didn’t I follow my real dreams when I was younger? The same answer slaps me in the face each time…complacency…lack of follow through…too afraid of my own shadow to look at the light that casts it.

Oh well. I yam what I yam. I suppose I should just learn to be comfortable with it. 40 years of trying to change myself has resulted mainly in disappointment. And whining about it certainly isn’t going to change anything. I will stoically return to my uninspiring job tomorrow to do uninspiring things. There are worse jobs out there, and I can’t say that I hate what I do. But when I look at the “could have beens…”

Sigh. At least I am the inventor of the Cataporter. That means something important to me, although I can’t really be sure what.

Auf wiedersehen, my friends. May you not forget to follow YOUR dreams.


2 thoughts on “Woulda Coulda Shoulda

  1. This, sir, is exactly what Faeria is for me, and why I am straining myself to make it what I envision.I too have suffered from a lack of follow through much of my life – many great ideas that go nowhere – but I have planted many seeds in others and seen them go on to do great things. I have realized that the best way for me to change the world is to plant seeds in others and let them do it.It is true about “Woulda Coulda Shoulda” – but the fact is that it is only the future that we have the power to change – not the past.

  2. I am an engineer I designed software and I designed hardwareNow I manage engineers and help them to team up to build very complex thingsAt home I have papers and papers about LSL and I’m rather good with Photoshop and Gimp. Every night I go home telling me that I must try to create something. And I end up being happy spending the time talking to people and enjoying the SL views and creations done by othersand in RL I would probably love to be a librarian 🙂does that say anything about the never ending struggle to find one’s true place in any life ?

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